I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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