peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
