I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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