Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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