so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
