wanna go halves on a baby?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
His nipple licking is glorious
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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