this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
