I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
