Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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