Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize