Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
