Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
