i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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