i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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