OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
