My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
