If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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