Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
