Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
