Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
