Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
