Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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