I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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