He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
