Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
