I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
