dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize