im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
