I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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