There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
