Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
