i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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