What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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