I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
