my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
