Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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