I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
