I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
