Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Even my vagina gasped.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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