i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize