Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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