Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
