I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sext me about skeletons
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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