she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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