god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
