We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
