i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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