He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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