I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
