can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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