He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
