Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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