Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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