I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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