she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
