happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
