Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
