I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
false alarm, still single
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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