Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
