Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
