It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
