I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
