Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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