Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
