i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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