i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
