why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
