I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
