Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
