if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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