I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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