the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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