im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
