wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
