I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
