is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
