I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
