I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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