is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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