if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
What drink are we having for lunch?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
