My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
