i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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