2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
