Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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