I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
