Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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