i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
