I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
