opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Life is so much better after having sex.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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