I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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