everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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