I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
