Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We don't watch enough power rangers
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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