If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
