I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
