Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
