should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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