If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize